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Sunday, February 23, 2014

The Vengeance of God

The primary objective of this blog is to present the beauty of the Gospel of Christ in as many different ways and perspectives I can.  In most installments I have held to a positive path, although a few times I have ventured off into darker territories.  Recently, in so many words I was gently accused of being too saccharine regarding God’s holiness.  Specifically the person didn’t agree with my non-face value definition of the vengeance of God.  In the person's opinion, I was downgrading its clear meaning in order to pander the modern sensibilities.

If anyone thinks I believe there will be no final judgment by God by which He will bring His full vengeance to bear on all unbelievers, let me state as clearly as I can: this is not my position, at all.  All those who resolutely choose to remain outside of Christ’s kingdom will suffer the full brunt of God’s wrath, just as John succinctly states in his gospel,

The one believing into the Son has eternal life; the one disobeying (disbelieving) the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God remains upon him/her.” (John 3:36)

Allow me to digress for a moment to make a Greek comment. The Greek reader of the above passage would understand that implicit to the Greek word, απειθεω, which means “I disobey” or “I rebel,” is the meaning, “I disbelieve”.  Hence, I put both disobeying and disbelieving in the translation to help us English readers fully grasp what John is trying to communicate. We all rebel against or disobey God because we don’t believe Him—we don’t trust Him.
 
When we look afresh at those New Testament passages referring to God’s judgment variously translated, vengeance, punishment, repayment, and judgment, except for Romans 13 that describes God authorizing human governments to execute retributive judgment as a means of preventing chaos in human societies, all the other passages in one way or another focus on three truths,

1) Vengeance/retribution/judgment is God’s to do, not for us to do. 

2) God’s retribution will occur at final judgment, and

3) The basis of this final judgment will be whether the person stands by faith in Christ or not—that is, obeys the Gospel or not, which is tantamount to standing or not standing in the kingdom of God by faith.  John clearly teaches us this basis for God’s judgment:

For in this way God loved the world, so that He gave His one and only unique Son, in order that everyone who is believing into Him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God didn’t send the Son away into the world in order to judge the world, but so that the world is saved through Him.  The one who is believing into Him is not judged.  But the one not believing has been judged already, because he/she has not believed into the name of the one, only, and unique Son of God.” (John 3:16-18)

It is true the Bible and these New Testament passages concerning God’s judgment often speak about how God will ultimately judge us according to our deeds (works).  But we must understand this from a kingdom perspective; otherwise we will be in danger of lapsing into a works based justification.  To put it simply, if we are truly standing in God’s kingdom by standing in Christ it will be evidenced by our good works; if we stubbornly stand outside God’s kingdom, it will be evidenced by our evil works.  For this reason John completes in this way the passage we just read:

This is The Judgment, that the light has come into the world and people loved the darkness more than the light; for their deeds were evil.  For everyone who is practicing evil hates the light and does not come toward the light so that his/her deeds are not exposed. But the one doing the truth comes toward the light, so that it is revealed that his/her deeds have been done in God.” (John 3:19-21)

God will base His judgment on whether or not we are standing in Christ by faith, and therefore God will judge us according to our works.  In other words, our works validate where we have placed out faith.  But it is our faith in Christ alone that saves us, not our works.

The reason the kingdom of God has become the basis of judgment is because God had entered into the middle of human history in order to deal with the problem of Sin and Death by placing His full wrath for the Sin of the world upon His one, only, and unique Son, Jesus the Christ.  And because Jesus overcame death by being raised to eternal life and ascended to the right hand of the Father, Jesus is King, the source of all life, so that in Him and Him alone is salvation.

Now, I see at least three essential responses to the good news of the Gospel of the Christ:

1) We are to be God’s agents of mercy in the world, not agents of His wrath , because

2) By bringing mercy to the lost souls we necessarily bring kingdom justice, which is right order from wrong order, not tit for tat.

3) Because God dealt with the Sin of the world once and for all in Jesus the Christ, it is through Christ God’s justice can enter the world; it is through Christ God is reconciling the world to Himself.  And we as Christ followers are joint ministers in this reconciliation (II Cor. 5).

We must not import our notions of vengeance into God.  God is not vengeful in the way we are anymore than He is jealous or angry as we are prone to be.  God exhibits all such emotions entirely for our benefit and indeed the benefit of the entire cosmos.  Yes, God’s wrath, jealousy, and anger flow out of His deep love for us and His creation. It is through these emotions God hopes to wake us up to our folly and turn back to Him, who is the sole source of life and the wisdom to live it, by warning us of the horrors that are the certain alternative because God is holy--indeed, horrors so terrible there are no words to express them; for this reason, God uses the imagery of emotions and their manifestations we can all understand.

On the other hand, our jealousy and our anger and the vengeance they precipitate within us is 99.99% self-serving (there are rare exceptions to this, but even in those cases right motives usually degrade into self-interest); therefore our jealousy, anger, and vengeance are Sin; they flow from our hate, not love.    
When God metes out retribution on the Day of Judgment, He will not do so to get even with anyone or anything; no, His judgment will finalize perfect justice, which is right order, peace—Shalom.  We see what I mean described in the book of Hebrews as God once again shaking the heavens and the earth:

Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness, for without it no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no one be like a bitter root springing up and causing trouble, and through him many become defiled. And see to it that no one becomes an immoral or godless person like Esau, who sold his own birthright for a single meal. For you know that later when he wanted to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no opportunity for repentance, although he sought the blessing with tears. For you have not come to something that can be touched, to a burning fire and darkness and gloom and a whirlwind and the blast of a trumpet and a voice uttering words such that those who heard begged to hear no more. For they could not bear what was commanded: “If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned.” In fact, the scene was so terrifying that Moses said, “I shudder with fear.” But you have come to Mount Zion, the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to myriads of angels, to the assembly and congregation of the firstborn, who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous, who have been made perfect, and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks of something better than Abel’s does.

Take care not to refuse the one who is speaking! For if they did not escape when they refused the one who warned them on earth, how much less shall we, if we reject the one who warns from heaven? Then his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “I will once more shake not only the earth but heaven too.” Now this phrase “once more” indicates the removal of what is shaken, that is, of created things, so that what is unshaken may remain. So since we are receiving an unshakable kingdom, let us give thanks, and through this let us offer worship pleasing to God in devotion and awe. For our God is indeed a devouring fire. (Heb. 12:14-28) [NET]

There is, of course, much to unpack here.  But for now, listen to the Holy Spirit admonishing us to be like Christ and promote mercy and justice, not bitterness and revenge.  Abel’s blood cried out from the ground for justice and retribution.  But the blood of Christ is far better, because it has brought true justice through love and forgiveness.  In the end, God will shake out everything not conforming to the blood of Christ—that is, God will shake out everything seeking redemption through creation instead of God.  The world wants its pound of flesh; God wants a humble, sacrificial, and faithful life.

Now, I do concede many of the passages I found in my search speak of how people who wrong us will be paid back by God for their persecutions.  Note again though, this is something God will do, not something we are to do.  Instead, we are to be like our Lord and not retaliate against evil done to us, just as Peter teaches us in his first epistle:

Be subject to every human institution for the Lord’s sake, whether to a king as supreme or to governors as those he commissions to punish wrongdoers and praise those who do good. For God wants you to silence the ignorance of foolish people by doing good. Live as free people, not using your freedom as a pretext for evil, but as God’s slaves. Honor all people, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the king.

Slaves, be subject to your masters with all reverence, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also to those who are perverse. For this finds God’s favor, if because of conscience toward God someone endures hardships in suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if you sin and are mistreated and endure it? But if you do good and suffer and so endure, this finds favor with God. For to this you were called, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving an example for you to follow in his steps. He committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth. When he was maligned, he did not answer back; when he suffered, he threatened no retaliation, but committed himself to God who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we may cease from sinning and live for righteousness. By his wounds you were healed. For you were going astray like sheep but now you have turned back to the shepherd and guardian of your souls. (I Peter 2:13-15) [NET]

Peter is telling us to silence the world by doing good, which is to be merciful and promote kingdom justice through love and forgiveness—to be such, in Peter’s words , “because of conscience towards God”-- instead of perpetuating the world’s methods of retaliation and vengeance.  And he explains we can do this because we are a free people in Christ.  We don’t need to be justified by anyone, because we have been justified in Christ; we don’t need to vindicate our reputations, because our good reputations are established and made secure in Christ; and we don’t need retribution, because God from His vantage point of perfect holy love will repay on the Day of Judgment.

From the book of Romans we can learn why only the stance of forgiveness and love we are called to in Christ will make possible kingdom justice.  Paul teaches us,

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people. Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Rather, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing this you will be heaping burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:18-21) [NET]

By not retaliating against someone for the evil he/she has done, he/she can see something quite different has come into the world; he/she might then begin to recognize the Sin in his/her life, and perhaps turn and be saved.  Our stance of love and forgiveness not only restores to order the material things of life (e.g., alleviating hunger and quenching thirst), but makes possible the restoration of relationships in holy love.  And all of this constitutes kingdom justice.

On the other hand, retaliation breeds contempt and further retaliations.  By following the world’s concept of justice, we fail to bring order out of disorder--far from it!  Our retaliations only cause more disorder, which is injustice.  By failing to leave judgment in God’s hands, we actually undermine His work of reconciling the world to Himself.

Therefore, we need to view this “payback language” we read in the many New Testament passages discussing the vengeance of God by what it is meant to communicate to us—mainly this: that God clearly sees our suffering for His righteousness sake; that our suffering totally matters to God; and that we can and must endure our suffering in the real hope that in the end all we are suffering for—namely, the Kingdom of God-- will come to completion, as God has promised, and will last forever and forever, because everything opposing it —that is, everything unjust-- will be permanently destroyed by the certain vengeance of God.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Live Boldly!

My pastor, Dr. Leavins, made the title proclamation during his sermon yesterday morning as one response to the beautiful truth of the Gospel of the Christ.  "Live boldly!"  I like that; although those who know me well would likely be surprised to hear me say this.  My life has hardly been one of someone who likes to take risks. Indeed, in my earlier days the few times I stuck my neck out always resulted in nearly losing my head.  Consequently, I have developed the oft times annoying habit of over analyzing things in the hopes of making sure the landing from any possible outcome would be a smooth one; as you might predict, my plane rarely left the hanger.

In more recent times, because God has given me a deeper and richer understanding of His love, and because I see His love so evident in my beautiful wife, Sara, I have felt more at ease to live boldly--not necessarily by taking more risks in the traditional sense of the word, but opening myself up to experiences that in the past would have certainly caused despair or embarrassment. An example is musical performance.

When Dr. Leavins spoke about living boldly I immediately thought of a conversation I had had with a colleague about a recent concert he had performed.  He and another colleague performed the first movement of the Bach double violin concerto.  It is a difficult piece, and they did a wonderful job.  However, my friend told me he has played it much better before and since.  "It's just that when you get in front of all those people...."  Boy, could I relate.  It dawned on me this morning that performance anxiety is a perfect metaphor for the kinds of things keeping us from living boldly; and the solution to performance anxiety is a great picture of what it is like walking in Christ, which is the beauty of His Gospel.

The best remedy to performance anxiety is to play out.  When we don't play out, usually out of the fear of making a mistake (and I'm assuming we have prepared well prior to the performance) we actually will make many mistakes.  But the worst mistake we will make is not wrong notes, or losing our place, or even missed notes, the worst mistake we make when holding back is sounding unmusical.  The audience will forgive a few glitches here and there if the playing is musical; it is the musicality that carries the listener into rapture, not technical perfection.  The only way to play musically is to let the music play itself--let it sing, mistakes and all—to play out.

Now, obviously the best performance is one that is both technically spot on and beautifully musical.  Even though this is true, it doesn't negate the necessity of playing out.  The more times we play out, the more times are performances will be musical, and therefore the less often we will make technical errors.  Musicality not only moves the audience, it inspires the performer, also.  And this inspiration relaxes the player, which in turn frees her to remain in full control of both her micro and macro motor responses, and listen better to intonation in order to make adjustments practically transparent to the audience.  By playing boldly, the performer does the best justice to the music she is trying to communicate.

God has made it very clear that there is only one way we must live in order to experience full, meaningful, purposeful, peaceful, and eternal life.  He has also made it clear we will only find such life in Him. We must surrender ourselves to Him completely if we want to perfectly play the music He created us to play.  The trouble is we believe we can do it on our own--that we can find this wisdom in ourselves or in creation.  We really cannot do this, so we don't play out; we don't live boldly.  And consequently, we sin and the music we make is discordant and ugly.

You might argue at this point that most sinful behavior happens with people who live boldly.  It only appears this way.  The reason we don't live boldly for God is because we either are afraid of His punishment or because we don't care, at all.  The former case is like the player who holds back in fear the audience's wrath; because she believes the audience expects perfection--especially if they paid for the ticket.  And they do.  So, as I said before, she holds back, because she is more concerned with how she will be received than the music, and therefore almost always disappoints the listeners.

The other response is to play the way we want and not care, at all.  Yes, we play out; but in order to be outrageous.  We may claim it as art and free expression, but it is really just as self-serving as the person who holds back.  We titillate and sensationalize as a cover to our own ineptness, or our own poor self-concept.  In short, we act out in fear.

I speak in broad terms here, fully aware of the complexities of human nature.  Nevertheless, people don’t live boldly, in the sense Dr. Leavins means, out of fear of being exposed as the charlatans they know themselves deep down to be.  This is the tragedy of the fall of humankind.  We all insist we can be our own gods, and then run in terror at the prospect.

Okay, so what exactly does Dr. Leavins mean by living boldly.  To live boldly is to live in freedom.  Not freedom as in reckless abandonment; I have already covered that.  No, by freedom, he means freedom from fear.  This happens when we let ourselves go in Christ—to live boldly so the true life God has created for our place in the cosmos will bloom and multiply.  We live boldly even though well aware of the perfection God demands, because we know such life is only found in Christ, and He has proved Himself faithful to fulfill this life in and through us, and has forgiven our mistakes.  It is exactly like a musician who plays out confidently because she realizes by playing for the music’s sake, the music ultimately plays itself.  And in the same way that when we let the music play, we actually make less and less technical errors, when we surrender ourselves to Christ, we find we conform more and more to God’s standard of holy love. 

God’s standards haven’t changed, any more than standards of good music have.  It’s just that when we focus on the expectations of good music we invariably focus on our own capabilities and quickly impair ourselves by fear.  And when we focus on the standards of God instead of Christ, we look to our own resources and fail to meet those standards, every time.

There is a great irony in this we must not miss.  When we surrender ourselves completely over to living in Christ, we don’t lose ourselves.  Quite the contrary, as with music allowed to sing freely, both the listener and the performer are edified and inspired, when we look to God alone for life, He gives it back to us, making us participants together with Him, which is what true life actually is.  We are not lost in Christ, but perfected in Him.  This is what it means to be free in Christ, just as Saint Paul taught us,

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand (in this freedom), then, and don’t again be entangled by the yoke of slavery.” (Gal. 5:1)

This is the beauty of the Gospel of the Christ.  God, because of His unfathomable love for us, even though we rejected Him, has made it possible for us to be free from our self-imposed shackles of fear and to finally and truly live boldly.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Eeternal Life- A Picture Part 2

[Here is the conlcusion of last week's story.....]

I reassessed my reactions to my friend’s experiences, and came to the conclusion I had overreacted.  No doubt, I had allowed myself to be caught up in the success of my experiment, which clouded my objectivity.  I felt confident I would be able to explain his observations without having to invoke the supernatural.  By the time we met again, I would have reasonable hypotheses to discuss; I couldn’t be sure, but I suspected that my friend would have reevaluated his own impressions by then and would be ready to hear my theories.


*****

When we met again a few weeks later, my friend was a different person.  He appeared settled.  The nervous agitation that characterized the great scientist I knew before had been displaced by a kind of confident resolve.  He remained a man on a mission, but the desperation was gone.  My friend affected an enthusiasm neither fanatical nor careless, but what I can only describe as a sober joyfulness.  I have never encountered such a disposition before, which isn’t saying much because I don’t get out that often.  I was happy for my friend; the change suited him.  But I started to feel uncomfortable, because I began to desire what he had.

“So,” I said brusquely, handing my friend a mug of coffee and sitting across from him.  “Will you now tell me the third meaning?”

“Of course, dear friend.”  He took what I perceived to be an interminably long drink of his coffee.  “It is love.”

“Oh, love,” I said.

“Yes, exactly.  And your reaction is why I never considered it while the woman was showing me around heaven, even though love was clearly evident in everything I had seen.  It should have been obvious, but I was blinded by my own skepticism of love.”

“Heaven?”  I asked.

“Yes, heaven.  Although I should have called it what it really is.  The kingdom of heaven.  By itself, the term heaven has acquired silly connotations over the centuries.  Any thinking person should rightly dismiss the idea as meaningless fluff.  As usual, though, the reality tears through all of our preconceived and childish notions, and first surprises us, next inspires us, and finally satisfies us.”

“So it would appear.  And I suppose you are proposing this love you speak of to be of the same fiber, in that it must transcend all the inane school girl renditions of the term.”

“People throw love around as they would a fifty cent baseball.  Yet they have no clue as to what it really means.”  My friend paused for another sip from his mug.  “And why should they?”

“Perfectly reasonable.  Love is an illusion.  The world is a tormented place of pain and death.  It wouldn’t be this way if love were governing the universe,” I pursued.

“You just proved yourself wrong.”

“I don’t think so.  Love would never produce the world we live in.”

“You could never make such an argument without love as a reference.  In fact, it would never cross your mind.  You are making arguments about justice that can only exist in a world actually fashioned by love.”

“It is in the genes.  Altruism is a natural instinct for survival of the species.  It’s known that ants will sacrifice their lives for the sake of the colony.”

“It is one thing to sacrifice one’s life for the sake of one’s clan, it is quite another to sacrifice one’s life for the sake of another’s clan—especially if doing so potentially enables the other’s clan to conquer your clan.  But that is just the kind of love I am talking about.  It cannot be explained by nature.  The kind of instinct you are talking about has no concept of such love.  A lion will eat another animal, even its own young; it is what lions do.  For the time being, anyway.”

“Yet no one recognizes this love,” I quipped.

“Ironically, no.  The world we bequeathed to ourselves we predicated on the single inalienable principle of self-interest.  In insisting on loving ourselves first, we ended up hating everyone, including ourselves.  For us, I’m afraid, love has become at best a parody of what it truly is, and at worst a weapon of our hatred.  It is our hate that is behind the pain and death you rightly characterize our world, not love.”

How could I argue with him?  I had long ago happily abandoned any pursuit of love for the safety of the ordered and predictable world of science.  People never much liked me, and I didn’t much like them.  I was beginning to wonder if I had made a horrible error--not so much by what he argued but by what I witnessed in him.  The weight of those new observations weakened my carefully prepared hypotheses.  As his encounters with the future were irrefutable fact, so too were the changes I saw in my friend.  I knew him well as he was, and he had clearly changed.  One can debate ideas all day long, but one cannot easily refute objective data.

“Okay, tell me about this love,” I said.

“By and for love, God created us in the first place.  And it is by and for that same love He has restored us to His original purpose, which is the kingdom of heaven, where all is as it should be because it must be so because God is God.  God does not change.  There is only one right order of things because there can only be one right order of things.”

“The place you visited,” I interjected.

“Yes, but not just the physical entities, the spiritual also—the collective state of being.  And what empowers and supports and drives that state is love.  God’s love.

“The critically important point for us to grasp, and probably the element we have all been most blind to is the fact that love only exists—I mean, is only complete--in the right order of things, and the right order is only maintained by love.  Everyone wants to create their own order, and love and be loved according to that order—to be accepted on their own terms.  But this cannot be.  God created the universe to operate by only one right order, and we only truly love when we love in complete compliance with that right order.  And it is no more unloving for me to say this than when a father tells his child not to jump off a five hundred foot cliff.  Unless we rigorously hold in tension love and order—God’s love, God’s order—we lose them both.  And when that happens there is certain death and the pain and suffering it brings.”

“How can you be certain?”

“Because as an extreme act of love, God became flesh and dwelled among us, even though we despised Him and actively worked against His love.  His Son Jesus, both perfect man and perfect God became a servant to us by overcoming death for us, because the death we brought on ourselves has blinded us to the right order of things and, therefore, kept us from the full power of God’s love, so we couldn’t overcome death on our own.  God’s son, even though perfect and innocent, died for us, and by the inscrutable power of His love, God raised him to life.  It is because Jesus lives that we can be certain, dear friend.

“I know now this is why I shouted ‘Christ’s alive!’ as I came back through the time portal.  And it is by living in the living Christ that we can live again forever in the kingdom of heaven intended all along as the ineffable expression and purpose of God’s love.  We live because we love God and each other completely and purely.  This is His glory.  And for this reason He is to be praised and worshipped forever—just as the multitudes were singing all around me.  Oh, how I long to be with them again, knowing what I know now.”

“It seems that you have somehow found your way to peace.  How did you do that?  What did you do?” I asked.

“It’s God who has done it.  I simply believe that God will not forsake His love and only in Him will I find it, not in me or others or the world we have created for ourselves.  I trust He will be faithful to His promise to hold me secure in His love and fulfill the purpose for which he had created me.  And I live my life in accordance with this trust.  In short, I love God the Father of all by trusting Jesus Christ His son, and this by doing all, by the power of his love given to me through His Spirit, which His love demands and necessarily demands because this is how He has loved me.”

“I must think about this.  We will talk about this again, my friend.  I assure you, we will talk again.”


*****

I haven’t fulfilled that promise, and it is doubtful I ever will because I believe him.  I have been given a short-cut to paradise, and I am determined to take it.  And why shouldn’t I?  If you are reading this diary, you will know that I never found a convincing answer to that question.

I have returned my time portal to the original settings used for my friend’s trip, and programmed in a killer virus.  Five minutes after I pass through the portal, it will permanently and irretrievably dismantle itself.  I have also shredded and burned my notebooks.  All that will remain of my experiments is the book you have in your hands and the memories my friend carries with him.  Perhaps you will find it too fantastic to believe.  I understand.  But I hope you will find the faith to believe so that some day we can meet together over coffee to discuss it in the kingdom of the living God.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Eternal Life--A Picture

One of my readers admonished me to paint a picture of eternal life. It seems a reasonable request, now that I have had the last two weeks to offer a Biblical perspective on the subject.  Fortunately for me I have already painted such a picture in one of my short stories found in my recent collection, Seven Stories.  Thus, to honor my reader's request, I will post the story here in two parts. It is definitely the most philosophical/theological of my stories, so hopefully you will find it both thought-provoking and entertaining.

A Lesson in Time

“You know what kind of a state I was in.  I was tired.  The world was tired; I was tired of having to explain why the world was tired.  I know it sounds self-important for me to say that.  You probably thought so then; maybe you still do.”

I should, at this point, insert a footnote to this conversation that ensued after completion of my experiment, which I am recording herein in its entirety. As it stood at the time, despite the fact that I loved my friend, I felt he might have been losing his grip.  It wasn’t that he wasn’t a caring person, because he was and is—certainly one of the most caring people I have known.  Although he was a scientist, he had begun to court religion.  He saw this huge mountain standing between humanity and true peace; and he was growing more and more dubious of the ability of science to break down this mountain.  Certainly peace is a noble ambition, and I could hardly fault him for searching for it; but I could not help but think zeal such as his came perilously close to becoming pathological.  I thought my friend had managed to maintain equilibrium, but sometimes I feared for him—that he might crumble under the pressure of all the troubles of our race.

At the end of the experiment he returned in a state of serenity quite atypical of him.  I worried that the stress of the experiment had been too much, and I was witnessing the euphoria of madness.  I was wrong.

“I didn’t mean to sound that way. I know I’m no better than anyone else.  It seemed like everywhere I turned, though, people were saying two plus two equals five. I would insist that two plus two equals four.  And immediately the burden would be on me to prove it.  I would try my best to do so, and the response I would invariably hear would be, ‘You’re too narrow.’ Or ‘Yeah, but--’ Or ‘You’re too idealistic.’ Or ‘You have your values and I have mine.’ Or ‘Ah, but I’ve found the way to make it equal to five,’ and every other excuse one might expect to find from people desperate for something they could not put their finger on.  I was fed up with it.  Everyone wants a free ride to paradise.  I’m telling you; I felt like Elijah sitting beneath the tree whimpering to God, ‘Woe is me, there is no one left who would follow you. I’m the only one and I just want to die.’  Pathetic? Yes. Heartfelt? I think so.  True? No. Elijah was tired, too.”

“Fatigue definitely clouds one’s perspectives,” I said, not entirely sure of what he was talking about.

“Yes, but rest wasn’t cutting it for me anymore.  If anything it made matters worse.  I needed to get away.  So when you told me of your time machine--”

“Portal,” I interrupted.

“When you told me of your time portal, I was intrigued.  People just had to change eventually.  Somewhere up ahead the madness had to stop and people would come to their senses.  And if they didn’t, then I’d know for sure that I’m the delusional one, after all. I figured if your experiment worked it didn’t matter what I might find out. The way I saw it, in any event, I could stop all the ruminating and finally get a decent night’s sleep.”

“And my experiment worked!” I said.

“Yes, my friend, it worked beautifully.”

“So tell me.” I sat forward in my chair. “What happened?  What did you discover?”

“A total mystery, I might as well have been an alien from another planet. Virtually everything I first saw there was unrecognizable. Well, that’s not quite true. I did know what everything was, but they made no sense in context. It was like the time my brother showed me an advanced math text of his.  I read the first paragraph and I knew the meaning of absolutely every word, yet the paragraph made no sense—pure gibberish, leastwise to me.  The future world you had sent me was just like that.”

“Had things changed that much in a century?” I asked.

“You know how stories usually depict the future.  Either they import their own cultural setting into the new world and then touch it up a bit with a little imagined advanced technology, or they paint the future in a kind of a stark geometric austerity--you know--with the cold colorless lines of perfected efficiency—the author’s vision of idealistic order, which always seems to be soulless; it’s a curious thing.  But in the real future, the world where you had sent me, neither prognosis proved even remotely correct.

“Somewhere during the passing of that blip of time, human culture had diverged at a ninety degree angle from either the reaction or progression portrayed in our mythologies.  It almost seems pointless for me to try and describe it to you—such as when I asked my father to tell me about the war and he said he wouldn’t attempt it, because I couldn’t understand.  I’m afraid you won’t understand; I fear I may have too few reference points by which to guide you.  Then again, perhaps what I saw will explain itself. In any event, what it looked like is not all that important.  What I need you to grasp is what it meant.”

“Go on,” I said.

“I must have stuck out like a sore thumb, yet no one seemed to care I was there.  Fact was they seemed oblivious to each other.  Everyone walked around everyone else, but no one walked together.  Each person seemed locked in his or her own intent and space without ever intersecting another’s personal bubble. In one sense their movement seemed random; yet clearly there was purpose in it.  From time to time a person would stop and a tinted plane would appear, pass in front of the person and both would dissolve away.  Another person might, moments later, pass over the very same space and simply move on.  As near as I could tell, however, everyone eventually came to a spot from which they would then disappear as I described.  For this reason, I surmised there was nothing of what we would call vehicles.  Everyone of that seemingly detached populace only walked—some appearing, some vanishing in the manner I have already related.  I watched all those comings and goings while I was resting beneath a tree that stood in one square of a vast crystalline grid.”

“Grid?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s exactly what it was.  And the flat checkered plane appeared to extend out indefinitely—every so often spotted, however, with various plant specimens from our old world, such as the tree I sat under.  I saw no sun. I guessed I was inside a huge dome of some kind.  The vivid blue sky, or ceiling, somehow illumined the entire plane.  There were no buildings, or benches, or fountains, or statuary, or any manufactured thing that I could see--only, as I said, periodic intrusions of nature.  And the light shining on the plants, even though sparsely laid out—leastwise, it appeared so to me—turned the entire crystalline field into a veritable garden of color and forms, without hindering anybody’s movement or obscuring the squares everyone apparently needed to move around on.  The effect had so much depth that I’m still not sure if in reality it wasn’t a vast dense garden.

“I didn’t know what to do.  I had hoped to find some answers, optimistic—as I said—for a better world, and if not, at least resignation.  I was fairly certain I would feel out of place.  But I never expected it to be like some kind of an out-of-body experience.  In frustration I said to no one, ‘good grief.’  I said it out loud, just as I am saying it to you now—quiet, more of a sigh than anything else.  Yet, one of the persons stopped and looked at me. It was a beautiful woman—perfect in form and stature, like an artist might create on a canvas.  The ideal female.

“Her eyes were filled with compassion.  I heard, ‘Are you sad?’

“Mind you, I didn’t exactly hear this because the sound sort of formed within my head, rather than received audibly through my ears.  And her words didn’t form emotionless like some automated voice, either, but were filled with warmth and genuine concern.  I didn’t at all get the impression that she was only curious or just trying to be sociable.

I answered her verbally, ‘Not sad, just frustrated.’  Not totally honest.

“She said—that is, telepathed--if that is a verb--‘That’s sadness.’

“‘I suppose it is,’ I told her.  ‘I’m too tired to argue the point.’

“So she says, ‘Sadness has many forms.  Sadness is despair, it is loss and frustration, fear and want, hopelessness, loneliness, sickness--’

“‘I get it,’ I interrupted.  ‘You are quite right. I am sad.’

“To which she replied, ‘You are a stranger, here, then.’  Notice she wasn’t asking but telling me this.

“‘Well, of course, isn’t it obvious?” I retorted.

“She replied by saying, ‘Yes, your sadness tells me you are.’

“’Pointing out our attire, I said, ‘I mean, look at you and look at me.’

“But she said, ‘Yes, I am happy and you are sad.
“‘No, no,’ I said. “Our appearance—our dress—is different.’

“‘I only see your heart.’ She said this tenderly: ‘I only see your heart.’—just like that.  And then she added, ‘You are your heart.’

“So I asked her, ‘And your heart is happy?’

“Her reply was, ‘Yes, every heart here is happy.  Look!’  She turned and swept her hand before the teaming populace moving to and fro and in and out upon the vast grid.  All I could see was what I described before: a sea of moving dispassionate humanity.

“‘I don’t understand,’ I blurted.  ‘Can this be happiness?  You say they are happy.  But why should I believe you?  Look at our race—leastwise, I think you are human.’

“And she says, ‘You are right in saying so.’

“I would then make my point. I said, ‘Human beings, the humans of which I count myself, are social creatures.  They are persons.  They touch, they caress, they talk, they laugh, they cry and, yes, they push and pull and argue and fight—they confront and they turn away.  What has happened to us?  What has possessed us?  How can you call this bleak existence of yours, happiness?  I’ve come all this way, hoping to find that things would be different, that, I supposed, there would at last be happiness, only to find out that if this is happiness, then only a fool would want to be happy.’

“All she would say to that was, ‘You are sad.’

“So I told her, ‘At least it’s an honest emotion, not this anesthetized state.  Can’t you see how everyone here is disenfranchised?  There is no passion, no warmth that I can see.  How can you call this happiness?  Have you been drugged?’

“She answered by explaining, ‘You are sad because you don’t understand.  You speak as a mere man, we speak as authentic humans.  We know who we are and what we are and why we are.  Each of us knows the other the same way--happiness.’

“‘But no one talks to each other,’ I complained.

“Her response to that was, ‘It only appears so because we are one.’

“So I asked her, ‘In what way are you one?’

“She answered, ‘Many purposes make up a single purpose.  Many meanings are one meaning.  Does your foot talk with your eyes, or your hands with your nose?  Yet they all understand each other and each responds to the needs of the other, for each one has its own name.  And together the purpose of the body is done.  This is one meaning from all those separate meanings—one purpose in many.’

“But I said, ‘Where I come from, to be a mere cog in a machine is demeaning.’

“So she says, ‘You are sad because you want both society and solitude at the same time.’

“I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said, ‘No, I must have my own name or I can’t be happy.’

“‘Your meaning is your name,’ she says. ‘You want a name.  We have two names.’

“I argued that they still cannot be unique because many must have the same meaning.  I reminded her that she had so much as said so.

“She then explained to me that we have been built into a tower not unlike the one spoken of in the Shepherd of Hermas.  Each of us is a stone.  Some stones are for the walls, others for the foundation, some for the windows, some for the floors, some are decorative, and others are hidden.  But each has been perfectly hewn for its place, and each place is necessary. You can see that many stones may have the same function.  Regardless, each stone is unique.  The decorative stones might be mottled, or veined with quartz, others might be precious stones, and some might be granite.  Structural stones might serve the foundation, others the walls, and some the roof.  Each is as highly valued as the next for the perfection of the house. And all priceless because each has a name. She said that was the first meaning she spoke of.  And that we each have a unique name for this meaning.  And everyone knows that name.”

“Shepherd of Hermas?” I asked.

“Beats me.  I asked her, ‘You spoke of two names.  Does that mean there is another purpose?’

“She said, ‘Each of us has a meaning known only to us and God.  The name He has given each of us for this purpose is a secret name known only to the bearer and the Creator.  And this meaning was in the mind of Him when only He is.’

“Naturally, I asked her to tell me about this meaning and purpose.

“But she said, ‘I cannot, except to say that it is an eternal purpose ordained by God for Him in each creature, who knows God, for the pleasure of God.  When we know our names and He calls us by our name, only then are we happy.  Do you understand?’

 “By this point my head was swimming, so I asked her, ‘If we are one with Him and, if I follow you, each other, can we really possess a unique name?  For that matter, if I am united with you and all these people, can I or you or any one of them be distinct?’

 “Listen and tell me if what she said next doesn’t change your perspective forever. Her answer shot through me like a round from a high powered rifle. Listen to what she said. She said, ‘Unity doesn’t dissolve distinction.  Unity creates distinction.  Without unity, everything is the same.’”

He sat back and stared at me. “What did I tell you?”

True, I hadn’t thought of it before then.  The idea that we only discover our true self when we relinquish it for the purpose of a god and others was certainly an alien idea to me.  And we are only true individuals—that is, distinct—when we know and act according to our true self in the context of some collective purpose.  Her proposition was earth-shatteringly simple and, at the same time, very elusive.

For a long moment I fidgeted with my pen while he stared at me as if I were a computer and he could watch the binary code processing.  I finally looked him in his eyes when I believed I had grasped her proposition that when we each pursue our own purpose, we destroy unity with each other and we all become carbon copies of each other.  I suppose this was meant to account for the fact we are frantic, angry, directionless, grasping, possessive, isolated beings—people in a crowd, yet completely alone.
I thought about how monochromatic our world is in all its self-interest.  And for the first time, I actually felt something like grief for my race.  But what I told my friend was, “I don’t know.  To suggest that transcending self is the only way of finding self seems way too simple. It’s not the way it works.”

I struggled with my friend’s report.  What he had discovered was unexpected; another empire had not suddenly burst on the scene; a new political system hadn’t imposed itself on the world; it wasn’t communism; it wasn’t a one world government; it wasn’t a system of any kind.  It was a state of being. It was, for the lack of a better term, heaven.  But how could that be?  Heaven isn’t rational.  It couldn’t be an evolved state; a hundred years wasn’t long enough for that.  Science couldn’t accommodate the facts; yet I was confronted with the inerrancy of my own science.  It was my invention, carefully constructed and tested over many years of painstaking experimentation.  What it revealed was the future, as it will be.  This was fact; there could be no doubt about it.  I didn’t want to believe the results, but I had no choice but to believe them.

“Was there color in this world of hers? Was what you had seen there vibrant beyond anything you have ever seen before?  Tell me. I must know.”

“I cannot even begin to tell you,” he said.  “Are you okay, my friend?”

“If it’s true, then my life has been a sham.”

“Exactly my thought.  And I tried to tell her this.  I told her, ‘I’ve been wrong to think I could find happiness by distinguishing myself from others.  I see that now.  I suspect it is why I’m so tired. Why I just want to stop running.’

“She answered me with a voice full of mercy, ‘Yes, you are sad because you don’t know your names.’

“I asked her, ‘And these names are my purposes?’

“She told me, ‘Each name is the meaning for which you have your existence.  You are right in what you say.’

“‘Where can I find them?’ I asked.

“She replied, ‘You find them in God not in yourself.  There is the meaning for all of our existence—the first meaning I spoke of. Meaning unique to you or me or to each person who knows God—that secret purpose. And the meaning uniting them all.’

“Of course, I asked her if I could know this third meaning.”

“And did she tell you?” I asked impatiently.

“She said, ‘Come, take my hand and we shall see.’

"She extended her hand and we walked onto the grid.  Her touch was soft, gentle, and warm.  I thought of my dear wife and how much I missed her.  Suddenly we were surrounded by space.  No, it was more like we were suspended in space.  Not black space, but--for lack of a better way to describe it—a dimensionless region of light bursting and dissipating, forming and un-forming in a show of brilliant colors and shapes and vapors and—how can I explain it to you, my dear friend, how can I have you comprehend the beauty of it?  Except to say that it was far greater than you could hope or imagine.  Any attempt to create it in your mind will fall hopelessly short.  With that I am certain.

“In the next instant we stood together in a lush meadow that was super-real in every respect to the most beautiful place I ever experienced on earth—you know what I mean, earth prior to its future.  Everywhere I turned, my eyes were dazzled by the color and purity of the grass, trees, plants, animals, the crystalline water of a lake that lapped up onto a narrow beach near our feet, the mountains that loomed in the distance, and the sky—that vibrant sunless blue sky that lighted it all. All of it took my breath away, and so serene—such a gentle quietness, I have never felt such peace.

“The entire scene seemed to resonate—not just visually, but sonically, as well.  I wish you could hear such melodies, my friend.  The strange and wonderful yet ephemeral strains of that music awakened and nourished my soul like nothing ever has.

“I saw some people sitting amongst some Siberian tigers.  One cuddled a little cub in his arms while another was wrestling playfully with the mother.  I marveled at the gentleness of the powerful creatures and the obvious intimacy between them and their human caretakers.  I also saw other people picking fruit from trees that sagged under the weight of their produce, large and succulent and plentiful.

“A small and colorful bird flitted around my hostess before perching on her wrist, where it began feeding on some grain in the palm of her hand while she was gently stroking its tiny head.  Don’t ask me where the grain came from because I couldn’t say.  I will tell you that I observed no fear or timidity in the frail animal. The tender moment brought tears to my eyes.

“I turned and watched others herding some elk into the high country.  My hostess seemed to sense in my eyes the question forming in my mind and explained that those creatures thrive through their regular pilgrimages up to the high meadows to graze and back again to the valley.

“‘The grass is good either here or there, but their life is perfected through the ritual,’ she explained.

“I asked her if this is the meaning she spoke of.

“She smiled sweetly and answered, ‘Come, I have one more place for you to know.’

“The scene morphed into a bright light. And as my eyes adjusted to that intense light, a thunderous song filled my ears:
‘Holy, Holy, Holy
Is God, Lord Almighty,
Who is and was and is to come.

Glory, Glory, Glory
To the Lamb that was slain
The Word that is
From everlasting to everlasting!’

Majesty, honor, praise
To the Great Testimony
Who is a lamp to Mankind
Power to live without end.

Holy, Holy, Holy
To the Father, Lord of all.
By Whom all that was not
Lives and has its being.

Glory, Glory, Glory
To the Great I AM
Who is One in Three
And Three in One

God of gods
Lord of lords
King of kings
Hallowed be His Name
Both now and forever.’
           
“Those words sang from the mouths of masses of people all around me.  The number of which was beyond counting.  And their individual forms appeared to shimmer in the light and sound—distinguishable one moment and obscured the next. Some have talked about quantum-senses.  Do you think it possible?”

“Well,” I stammered.

“Believe me it is.  At least I have no other way of explaining what I had felt there.  I heard the light, smelled the colors and saw the sounds at the same time as sensing all of those things in the usual manner.  What should have been chaos and a cacophony of stimuli all converged into perfect harmony. What should have been a sensory overload was pure serenity.  My eyes shouldn’t have been able to stand the brightness of the light of that place, like many suns.  Instead, the light soothed my eyes.  There was no need to shut them or even squint.  Nor did I want to for fear of missing even a second of the splendor going on around me.  The din should have shattered my eardrums, but the sound fell gently on my ears like the choruses of those clear summer nights I remember so well growing up in Northern Canada.

“The scene or vision was full of contradictions like these.  But what I cannot explain at all was the deep sense of freedom that had washed over me like the warm surf of the south pacific.  I had felt liberated not only from the obvious burdens we all talk about, such as mortality or worry or fear; but freed in remote parts of my being that, up until then, I didn’t even know existed, let alone needed liberating.  It was like the doors of hidden vaults deep within my soul had been opened and this black tar oozed out.  What I can only describe as a chronic ache that has been throbbing throughout my life, which I must have from the beginning subconsciously repressed, briefly flared like a shrieking demon and then vanished.

“I looked down to see if I was standing on ground because I became overwhelmed by a sense of weightlessness.  Now, don’t misunderstand me.  I don’t think what I am trying to convey was in any way physical, but I can’t explain it in any other terms.  No, what I then came to realize was how heavy, dull, clumsy and trapped my life has always been.  I thought of the best day of my life--”

“You mean when you won the prize?” I asked.

“Yes, you remember the time.  My wife and I were in perfect health then and we had no more financial burdens.  Our life had reached that pinnacle of human achievement.  We had scaled the mountain of the American dream and had planted our flag squarely on its summit.  ‘It doesn’t get any better than this!’ I think we boasted at the time.  But it was such a lie.  Because what came after that? Did I know? I ask you; do you know what will come after this great invention of yours?  Let me tell you.  I don’t think I had blinked twice before I asked myself, what next?  That single query betrayed the absurdity of it all.  And I had never seen it until I stood there enveloped by all the Glory of this place beyond your portal.

“I finally understood the meaning of true completeness—what I can only call, because language fails me, free freedom. By that I don't mean the Bohemian freedom of Rousseau and his ilk, but freedom in which all one's moral obligations are satisfied because one is inherently perfect without thinking about it.  For, as you know, if you have to think about it, you aren't perfect, and you're not freely free.  But there I was freely free, my friend; there I was...or at least I sensed what it must be like.

“Mind you, my hostess explained none of this to me.  She didn’t have to.  All that I am trying desperately to relate to you about the meaning of what I experienced there was totally self-evident.  I suddenly realized that an invisible tutor had been teaching me the whole time.”

“Who?” I asked.

“I don’t know….It must have been God.  Who else could it have been?  Whoever it was, neither my tutor nor my hostess had answered my question. I still didn’t know what this third meaning was.  I had this sickening feeling that the answer was all around me, but I was just too dense to see it.

“‘I still don’t understand,’ I told her, pleading. ‘Perhaps if you showed me more, I will see what this third meaning is.’

“‘She answered, ‘These sights are all you can understand now, but there are infinite more to experience and infinite time to experience them.  You and I and all of these,’--she again swept her hand before the multitude--‘are beings. Do you understand?’

“‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘We have all been created by Him whom we worship.’

“She said, ‘You are right in saying so.  But only God is absolute being.  It is for and by this third meaning that we live on and on into everlasting and everlasting--that we would move ever closer to absolute being, without, of course, ever reaching it.  This is eternal life.  And in it the three purposes are achieved.’

“‘I think I understand,’ I said.  ‘Please tell me.  What is this third meaning?’

“She refused to tell me.  Instead she says, ‘This is not yet your time.  You have been given a rare gift, but you must go back.’

“For the first time I understood what Samuel must have felt after being ushered back into the world by the witch of Endor.  I didn’t want to go back.  But I had no choice.”

“I thought it strange that you backed your way through the portal,” I said.  “Did she force you in some way?”

“No, it was more as if I was dragged.  Anyway, she didn’t push me.  How much time do you think transpires, you know, actual time---either there or here--how much time actually passes when someone steps through your portal?”

“You probably couldn’t measure it.  Essentially zero time.  I don’t think it is really a proper question, anyway.  Why do you ask?”

“They say a dream only lasts a few seconds.  Yet so much actually happens in a dream that it appears it has lasted the whole night.”

“Yes, that is the conventional thinking on the subject,” I said.

“Well, as I passed through the portal back to the present I was assailed by voices—voices of doubt.  They all seemed to be saying, in one way or another, ‘Don’t believe it!  It’s all been an illusion created by your mind.’

“I started to argue with the voices. ‘You’re wrong!’ I said. ‘I know my own mind. I know the difference between reality and fiction—sleep and consciousness.’

“But they rejoined, ‘You’re waking up now! It’s only been a dream—a silly sentimental dream—the imaginings of children.  Be a man!  Don’t be a fool.  Progress has only ever been made because men have asserted themselves over others.  Nothing is ever accomplished by considering first the needs of others.’

“‘No, no, no!’ I shouted. ‘So little has ever been accomplished because everyone strives for themselves.  I know this now.  I won’t listen to your lies any longer.  You lie, you lie!’

“Then with even greater venom the voices struck back, ‘You delude yourself, for there is no example of what you describe in the history of the world.  No such force operates in the universe.  You lie!  And it’s the worst of lies because you deceive yourself!’

“I shouted, if not screamed--perhaps more to drown out my own feelings of doubt than from a solid conviction--‘It does exist! It does exist! I know that it does.  It must or nothing makes any sense.  Christ’s alive! There is a third meaning. The third meaning has always been operating.  We’ve been blind to it. I’ve been blind to it, but it is there.  It is working!  I say it again, Christ’s alive!’  I don’t even know why I said ‘Christ’s alive’.  The words just came out.

“The voices hissed, ‘You don’t know what you are talking about.  There is no third meaning.  Nothing exists without a name. And it has no name or it would have been given you!  It’s all weakness.  The only strength in the universe is Self! The I’s have it. The I’s have it.  The I’s have it.’  The voices would not relent.  They kept on chanting louder and louder, ‘The I’s have it!’”

“But you seemed so calm when you came through the portal,” I interrupted.  “I didn’t notice any agitation in you, none whatsoever—no terror. How could that be?  I would have been an absolute wreck if I were you.”

“I heard her voice.”

“You mean the person you visited?”

“Yes, I heard her voice.  Over all that vicious taunting, her voice rose up.  It was sweet just as it had been before.  And it wasn’t threatened.  That’s what intrigued me about it.  You might predict she should cry out something in worried tones, as if she didn’t intervene quickly, I would succumb.  There were no frantic or desperate overtones to her voice.  Her words were those of a person who need not defend them.  It was that confidence, the likes of which I have never known, that convinced me of their truth.  She told me what it is.  She told me the name of the third meaning.  And when I heard it, all the shouting ceased.  That’s why I was and still am so calm.”

“So tell me, man, what is it?  What is the third meaning?” I implored.

He wouldn’t say.  He only smiled dreamily as if in shock.  The full impact of his vision must have washed over him without warning like a tsunami after an earthquake.  He begged my pardon and left me to ponder all he had related.


[To be continued next week.......]