Monday, November 25, 2013

The Legend of Tom Turkey

There was this bird.  He was big as birds come, and quite a lot smarter than most would give him credit. He wasn't much to look at, though.  Some might say he was born old--not in the precocious sense or in terms of wisdom, just in the prunish way an old man would appear after living out his eighty years in Death Valley.  The bird's name was Tom.

Tom didn't live alone. Actually, he lived among quite a large flock.  Trouble was, old Tom felt quite alone.  The other birds ignored him; nothing Tom did seemed to alter this sad situation, either.  It got so bad Tom concluded he had an image problem, and he decided to do something about it.

Being the brightest bulb of the bunch, Tom tried to gain notoriety through his strengths.  He set up an old pail he found lying around, stood up on it, cleared his throat, and read his paper on the quantum implications of farm life.  No one listened and no one cared; before long, old Tom was really alone.

Undeterred, Tom tore his tee-shirt, lit up a cigarette butt Farmer Brown had dropped on the ground, and yelled through the wire to the girl on the other side, "STELLA!"  She promptly closed the window.

Next, Tom started listening to Bing Crosby records; and after fashioning a pipe from a corn cob, he began crooning to the chics.  I can't tell you their reaction, because this blog is G-rated.

Then one afternoon Farmer Brown came on the scene carrying an ax.  Tom thought the only way to impress the gang is if he acted tough.  So Tom courageously approached the surprised Farmer Brown and with his best bravado, said, "You talking to me?  I say, are YOU talking to me?"  Tom looked around to see if this would finally cause everyone to notice him; but it didn't.  The onlookers just went on with their fowl business.  Tom didn't have much time to regret this, because Farmer Brown called Tom's bluff.  The next day at about two o'clock--after the football game had ended--the Brown family lined the dinner table and gave Tom the respect he had long sought in life.  Only now, when is was too late to do Tom any good, did those gathered around Tom shout in one accord, "Oh, what a magnificent bird!"

The moral of this tale is it's hard to soar like a turkey in a yard full of chickens.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Jef said...

Thanks for the good laugh Bruce! Be careful what you wish for!